Sometimes I Can't Help My Child

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6

My heart hurt as I watched my son struggle. “This morning is so stressful! Can’t you help me, Mom?” said my exasperated preteen as he frantically darted around the house before school. He so hoped I would come to his rescue, helping him make up for his poor planning and time management. “No,” was my firm but calm response.

Later that day, we talked about where things went wrong and why I didn’t help. Although I knew my words would be received with an eye roll, I said, “Poor planning and time management on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” I have taught him since kindergarten how he can be so far ahead simply by laying out his clothes and putting his homework in his backpack before bedtime.

But as you know, kids think they know better, so they test out their own routine. My son’s routine looks something like this: Mom wakes him up one hour before the bus. He lays in bed for twenty more minutes before coming downstairs where he lays for another twenty-five. With only fifteen minutes before the bus is blaring its horn, my son jumps up like a cat high on catnip and begins darting around the house. The problem is he can’t find shorts to match his lime green shirt or the candy he wanted for his lunch. He’s sure his sisters must’ve taken it. His homework is lost too, so he runs back to his room hoping to excavate it from the mountain of dirty clothes and baseball stuff that he neglected to clean up the night before.

I felt bad for him as I watched him struggle. I wanted to come to his rescue, but the Bible instructs me to direct my child onto the right path so that when he is older, he will not leave it. The best way I could redirect him was to ask God to strengthen him through the struggle. I read a story once about a man who saw a butterfly struggling out of its tightly spun cocoon. Feeling sorry for the butterfly, the man began pulling at the sides of the cocoon. Great was his disappointment when the winged creature fell to the ground too weak to fly. You see, the butterfly didn’t need rescued. It needed to be strengthened through the struggle. Often, that’s God’s design for us too.

As moms, sometimes the best thing we can do is step out of the way and allow God to do his thing. We should give our kids the tools to succeed, but then have the courage to allow them to fail and learn from their mistakes. Instead of rescuing them, let’s walk through the fire with them, teaching them how to be strong and wise using God’s instructions. When we do that, we will have the joy of watching them be strengthened through the struggle, spread their wings and fly.

Anna Frye is a speaker, author, television host and founder of the Chosen and Crowned tribe. She invites moms and wives to celebrate imperfect progress fueled by the grace of a perfect God. She helps women bravely talk about the messy places of life, instead of hiding shamefully under them. She believes that lasting beauty comes when women courageously surrender their ashes to God and allow him to do something mind-blowingly amazing with them. If this resonates with you, then you belong with the Chosen and Crowned tribe. Connect at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com/blog