Do Your Past Mistakes Disqualify You From Parenting Your Child's Current and Similar Issue?

Note: This was supposed to publish last Wednesday and I'm just realizing it never did! I apologize! 

 

Have you ever felt disqualified to help your child with a current issue because of your past issues? The night my daughter told me she was fat and was going on a diet was the night that flashed me back to a chapter in my own story I’d preferred to keep shut. However, being a mom of two preteen girls is forcing me to reopen that chapter. 

 

My mind raced, searching for the right words to say back to my beautiful daughter, but all I could find were pictures from my past. The faded images were of me as a teenager, bending over a toilet, finger down my throat, trying desperately to throw up the dinner I had just finished.  I could still feel the cold bathroom floor beneath my knees as my attention shifted back to my daughter.

 

I silently pleaded with God, “Oh God. Give me the words to say.”

 

Her blue eyes locked with mine, and I became painfully aware of my limitations as a mom.  As I looked back at my own failures in this area, all the shame of my past mistakes made me feel ill-equipped and unqualified to come alongside my daughter in a way that would help her and not harm her.

 

Still unsure of what to say, I could feel some words forming in my heart.

 

I simply said, “I felt like that, too, when I was your age, and sometimes I still feel like that. But I've learned some things that have helped.  If you’d like, we can talk about some of those things.”

 

My words weren’t profound, but they were practical. My first instinct was to quickly dodge the issue by telling her she wasn’t fat and that she didn’t need to worry about these things, but then how would I really be helping her? Her reality was that she did feel fat and she was worrying about these things.

 

As a parent, I've learned that when we quickly dismiss our children’s issues, we risk them dismissing us as someone who understands and can help. They’ll eventually find someone else who will listen or they’ll try dealing with the issue on their own. As you and I both know, this can be very dangerous depending on who they talk to or how they choose to cope.

 

As I considered the different things I could say to my daughter, I made this decision:

 

I’m not going to be a “let’s dismiss this” parent. I’m going to be a “let’s dig into this” parent.

 

Let’s dig in and learn practical ways to eat healthy and get more exercise.

 

Let’s dig in to see what God’s Word has to say about your body, your confidence and your purpose. By the way, he has MUCH to say on these issues!

 

Let’s dig in to what is making you feel this way.

 

Let’s dig in to find out what more I can do. Let’s dig in to find out more what you can do.

 

And let’s not forget to dig into prayer. Remember that God cares about your heart. After all, he’s the one who created it!

 

As I’ve dared to gaze back at the haunting images from my teen years and my personal battle with body and confidence issues, I have felt the loving hands of my Father turn my head back towards him. Although I have some ways to go, God  has brought me so far. You see, my past does not hold me, nor does it define me. This is true for you too. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10, NLT).

 

This is a truth I am teaching my daughter, too, as we dig into this body confidence issue together.

 

Friend, don’t let your past mistakes shame you into feeling ill-equipped and disqualified to help your child with his or her current issue. Most likely, you are the perfect person for the job. Have the courage to be a “let’s dig into this” mom; instead of a “let’s dismiss this” mom. God has equipped you to dig in to whatever this day may hold. Go into your day with God and you’ll go into your day ready to be awesome!

 

I’m so blessed to have been a small part of your day today. Thank you!

 

Anna Frye is a speaker, author, television host and founder of the Chosen and Crowned tribe. She invites moms and wives to celebrate imperfect progress fueled by the grace of a perfect God. She helps women bravely talk about the messy places of life, instead of hiding shamefully under them. She believes that lasting beauty comes when women courageously surrender their ashes to God and allow him to do something mind-blowingly amazing with them. If this resonates with you, then you belong with the Chosen and Crowned tribe. Connect at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com/blog