I'm Done Yelling At My Kids

 

I’m done yelling at my kids.

 

I wish you could’ve witnessed the eye-opening conversation I had with my pre-teen daughter that brought me to this decision. Let me set the stage for you.

 

It was a rainy, cold Saturday, and we had nothing on the calendar. I told my kids that they could play for a couple of hours, but then we were going to spend some time cleaning the basement (aka: their play room). My mention of chores was the finger that flipped the switch on my daughter’s attitude.

 

She went from happy, playing child to child in attack mode. Cue eye darts and flood of self-entitled words.

 

“But it’s Saturday! We worked hard in school all week long. Why should we have to work on Saturday too?” she moaned.

 

I responded, “We live, play and make messes in this house together, so we have to work and clean in this house together, too. It’s just how life works.”

 

Cue eye roll and heavy sigh. Her brother and sister usually let her do all the talking, but join her in the dramatic sulking, eye rolls and deep sighs.

 

“Come on, guys,” she said to them reluctantly. They followed her down the steps to the basement in sloth-like fashion, each foot hitting the steps like 25-pound weights were strapped around their ankles.

 

I went about my work, but was interrupted a short time later with hollers from the basement. “Mooooom! We’re doooooone! You can come check our work.”

 

I walked down the basement steps and could quickly see that minimum effort had been put into cleaning the basement.

 

Honestly, I wasn’t surprised by my findings. This has become the first step in an unfolding pattern I’ve allowed in my home that always leads to me yelling and the kids getting away with murder.

 

Here is the pattern: Mom assigns chore. Children begrudgingly go and do the chore, but with minimal effort. Children call mom to check work. Mom stops what she’s doing to check work. Mom gets frustrated, but gives the kids another chance and goes back to work. A few minutes later, kids call again. Mom stops what she’s doing again only to find the chore still isn’t done well. Mom’s frustration level increases and the pattern continues until mom’s patience has been exhausted and blows her lid. Ever been there?

 

Not this time! Mama is wisin’ up!

 

When I saw the still-messy basement, I calmly got down on my knees and looked my cherub-faced children in the eyes. “I’m not going to turn into crazy, psychotic, yelling mom today. I’m not going to waste hours of the day on a chore that should take you 30 minutes. You know what is expected of you. You know how to do the job well. The next time you call me down here and the job is not done well, I’m not going to yell. I’m just going to take away ipads, tv’s and computers for whatever amount of time I deem appropriate.”

 

The kids nervously shifted their focus and glanced at one another. Then my daughter said, “No, go ahead and just yell, Mom.”

 

“No. I’m done yelling because yelling doesn’t change your behavior. It doesn’t ruin your day. It only ruins mine.” I responded.

 

“Exactly,” she said and turned on her heels to go clean the craft table.

 

What?? My daughter had already figured out what I was only now realizing!

 

Mom friends, yelling doesn’t change our kids’ behavior. It only ruins our day! What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. The next time you feel your frustration levels rising because of your child’s behavior, it’s time to try something new.

 

I’m not a child psychiatrist or parenting expert, and I know I have MUCH more to learn, but here is my insight based on almost 13 years of parenting experience:

Remember, YOU are the parent! Your child’s poor behavior shouldn’t be ruining your day; it should be ruining their day! Figure out what form of discipline will “ruin” their day enough to bring about lasting change. Not only will this bring future peace to your home, it will direct your children onto the right path, so that when they are older, they will not leave it (Proverbs 22:6, NLT).

 

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

 

Anna Frye is a speaker, author, television host and founder of the Chosen and Crowned tribe. She invites moms and wives to celebrate imperfect progress fueled by the grace of a perfect God. She helps women bravely talk about the messy places of life, instead of hiding shamefully under them. She believes that lasting beauty comes when women courageously surrender their ashes to God and allow him to do something mind-blowingly amazing with them. If this resonates with you, then you belong with the Chosen and Crowned tribe. Connect at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com/blog