God, How Do I Stop Comparing Myself To Others?

I recently wrote a post about envy and comparison called, "Blindsided by Another Woman's Success". It got more likes, shares and comments than anything I’ve ever written. Since apparently I’m not the only one who gets myself caught in comparison’s clutches, I decided to ask God how we can stop falling prey to this joy-killing, effectiveness-stealing trap. Here are four things God is showing me. I’d love to hear your feedback on this!

Be aware. The first step toward any change is awareness. We must be aware, first, of our human tendency to fall prey to comparison and ask God for help. Secondly, we must be aware that comparison is a trap. It lies in wait for us and has been set up by an expert hunter who has studied our behavior, our patterns and our desires. Our enemy, Satan, knows just the right place and time to set his trap, and he has one goal – to steal, kill and destroy the life Jesus came to give us. He wants to steal our joy and effectiveness as moms, wives, friends, and influencers. And he can do this by setting the bait.  

Recognize the bait. The bait is different for each of us. It could be that mom who always seems to have a home-cooked meal waiting for her family. Her kids actually seem to like each other, and their outfits are always so darn cute. And, yes, their socks even match. It could be the husband and wife who are holding hands and laughing together as they walk through the park while you and your husband struggle to connect. It could be a friend’s vacation pictures on facebook you wish were yours; a co-worker’s promotion you’d hoped to get; a sister’s beautifully decorated home you could never attain; a woman’s amazingly sculpted body she got simply by sticking to a plan someone told you would work for you too. Only it didn’t and you’re left feeling less than whatever. The bait is anything we’re attracted to: a happy family, a strong marriage, a beautiful home, a fun vacation, a successful career, a healthy body.

These are all good things, but careful of the bait and switch! There’s nothing wrong with desiring good things until that desire switches into envy. That’s when the cage begins closing around you. You’ve take the focus off your own journey and have begun envying someone else’s. You’ve chosen to see only the shiny, polished parts of that person’s journey while ignoring or dismissing her struggles, setbacks and insecurities. What a tragedy to think of the opportunities lost because of envy?

And what a tragedy it is when we deny our own unique qualities that make us amazing and a blessing. God’s not in the business of creating clones. God creates individuals. There is no one else like you. When we desire to live another person’s story, we deprive ourselves of the deep purpose that’s been written into ours by God himself.

Resist temptation. Friend, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13). Call out to him for help! When you submit to God and resist the devil, Satan will flee from you (James 4:7)! You can kick the trap he’s set for you into the weeds and walk victoriously down the path God blazed for you.

Determine not to look back. Reality is that we will be drawn again to the bait. Why? Because our hearts yearn for what is good and pleasurable. And because we’re impatient and want it now! But don’t be deceived. The good God has for you can only be found as you look ahead and press on in your own journey. Look at the many gifts and blessings he’s already given you and be thankful. Look ahead knowing there are many more along the way. When you’re tempted to look back and compare, fix your eyes and thoughts on God instead. Focus on the work he’s given you to do today and do it well (Galatians 6:4). “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need” (Matthew 6:33).

Stop allowing comparison and envy to steal your joy of being a mom, wife, friend, influencer, and most importantly, a Chosen and Crowned daughter of the King!

Anna Frye is a speaker, author, television host and founder of the Chosen and Crowned tribe. She invites moms and wives to celebrate imperfect progress fueled by the grace of a perfect God. She helps women bravely talk about the messy places of life, instead of hiding shamefully under them. She believes that lasting beauty comes when women courageously surrender their ashes to God and allow him to do something mind-blowingly amazing with them. If this resonates with you, then you belong with the Chosen and Crowned tribe. Connect at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com/blog