Spring Cleaning My Heart of Unforgiveness

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

Have you been doing any spring cleaning? My closets, corners and carpets have been breathing a little easier since getting attacked by my cleaning prowess. Typically I’m not very disciplined at deep cleaning my house, but there comes a point when grime and clutter have overstayed their welcome and need to be kicked to the curb.

This is true of unforgiveness too.

Unforgiveness tends to hide in the corners of our heart like cheap dollar store toys in a child’s drawer. Those toys are easy to ignore for a while, but it’s only a matter of time before you’re innocently walking through your house and a sharp pain suddenly shoots through the arch of your foot. The culprit?  A hard, plastic action figure from the dollar store. This is usually when the cleaning prowess in you emerges with a fury.

We need to tackle unforgiveness with the same kind of fury.

Let’s stop ignoring it. Let’s stop stuffing it. Let’s stop allowing it to build up until we become bitter, cynical women. Don’t see yourself as bitter? Think about some recent conversations you’ve had with friends. Who is the focus of your sarcastic, impatient, critical comments? This most likely is the person you need to forgive.

And of course, we know we’re supposed to forgive, but how?

In an article from Psychology Today, Dr. Andrea Brandt says we must first learn what forgiveness is not. She lists several things that forgiving someone doesn’t mean:

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are pardoning or excusing the other person’s actions.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to tell the person that he or she is forgiven.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any more feelings about the situation.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean there is nothing further to work out in the relationship or that everything is okay now.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should forget the incident ever happened.
• Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the other person.

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It helps you heal. It cleans out your heart and allows you to breathe again. Joy and peace can move back in and begin unpacking their bags. But the cleaning out of unforgiveness takes time, laser-like focus, and fresh resolve. You’ll need a stream-lined plan:

Pray - Ask God to forgive you for harboring unforgiveness, then ask him to give you the want-to, the know-how and the strength to forgive.

Learn – Find out what the Bible teaches about forgiveness. Read a few articles online from wise teachers and counselors. Here are a couple to get you started:

• What Is Real Forgiveness
• Four Steps To Forgiving Others 
• How Do You Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible 

Connect - Meet with a counselor or ask a friend to hold you accountable.

I want you to know, dear friend, that as I’m writing this plan, I’m committing to it. God revealed a mess of unforgiveness in my heart that needs some deep cleaning. Will you join me?  Let’s make our lights shine again. After all, we are God’s Chosen and Crowned. Let’s do this!

Anna Frye is a speaker, author, television host and founder of the Chosen and Crowned tribe. She invites moms and wives to celebrate imperfect progress fueled by the grace of a perfect God. She helps women bravely talk about the messy places of life, instead of hiding shamefully under them. She believes that lasting beauty comes when women courageously surrender their ashes to God and allow him to do something mind-blowingly amazing with them. If this resonates with you, then you belong with the Chosen and Crowned tribe. Connect at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com/blog