How Do We Teach Our Kids To Be Compassionate?

As a speaker and blogger, I confess that I feel pressured to impart some kind of wisdom, some kind of mothering expertise that will launch you forward into mothering greatness. And since our focus is on celebrating being a mom during the holidays, it seems that an appropriate theme for my musings would be this question: How do we teach our children to be compassionate?

So I sat down with my thoughts and began typing. I typed. Then deleted. Typed again. Then deleted again. And came to this brilliant conclusion. Are your ready for this?

I have no idea how to teach my kids to be compassionate! None! Zero! Zip! Zilch! I’m so sorry to disappoint.

But through my writing attempts, I realized why I can’t teach it. Compassion is not a product of good teaching. It is so often a product of brokenness. I wish there was another way, but truly, compassion is something beautiful that rises from our ashes.

Think about it. When do you first remember feeling compassion?

For me, it was after I was rejected and bullied in middle school. Out of my brokenness rose a girl who was a friend to the friendless. Compassion grew again in high school when I watched my best friend get knocked to the ground by mental illness. Out of my ashes rose a young woman who understood how mental illness is a cruel thief of life. As an adult, when the doctor told me I might never be able to have a baby, and then later when I thought my marriage might shatter into a million pieces, the cracks of my brokenness cut so deep I feared I might never recover. But compassion rose.

I stand before you today a broken woman. But look how I shine!

You see, I have a mom who has always pointed me towards the Light. She showed me that cracks allow God’s light to flood in. And where God pours in his mercy and grace, darkness cannot remain. Because I have received comfort from him, I am now able to comfort others.

Compassion. It’s a beautiful thing that rises from the ashes.

I guess that’s why I so badly wanted to write words that sounded pretty and made you smile. Because compassion is beautiful. But it so often starts with a mess.

And that’s why we can’t teach our children to be compassionate. We can only point them towards the Light. Yes, it’s good to do outreach projects with them. It’s good to pray with them for those who are hurting. But compassion will ultimately take root and grow from their own broken experiences. When tears are streaming down their face and their heart is in pieces, it will be our job to show them how the cracks allow God’s light to flood in. And as God pours out his comfort on them, compassion will rise.

So as we celebrate being a mom during the holiday season, let’s celebrate that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Praise Him who has called us out of the darkness and into his wonderful light. 

Anna Frye is a speaker, author, television host and founder of the Chosen and Crowned tribe. She invites moms and wives to celebrate imperfect progress fueled by the grace of a perfect God. She helps women bravely talk about the messy places of life, instead of hiding shamefully under them. She believes that lasting beauty comes when women courageously surrender their ashes to God and allow him to do something mind-blowingly amazing with them. If this resonates with you, then you belong with the Chosen and Crowned tribe. Connect at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com/blog