Finding Freedom From An Ugly Side Of Marriage

If you missed the introduction to Wife Army '15, read "Let The Fight Begin"

Finding Freedom From An Ugly Side Of Marriage

I wish I could say that prayer was a natural first response for me when I felt my marriage slipping away. Unfortunately, it felt much better to sulk, fight, yell and give the silent treatment. I wanted to one up my husband. I wanted to win. I wanted him to pay for how he had hurt me. But those responses only entangled us in chains of bitterness and resentment. Unforgiveness enslaved us, and our hearts turned hard as stone. Thoughts of divorce became my plan to freedom instead of thoughts of the One who brings freedom. 

I wonder if you are entangled in chains of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness? Dear Chosen and Crowned friend, please hear this truth from someone who did things wrong for many years. If you decide today to pray first, instead of fight first, your deliverance will begin today. The chains have already been loosed because Jesus Christ died on the cross for you. You need only to rise and pray. But if you choose instead to remain in unforgiveness, the chains will eventually strangle the life out of you and your marriage. The choice is yours. 

Unforgiveness is ugly in marriage. It's ugly because it's selfish, prideful and lethal. Forgiveness is beautiful. It's humble and life-giving. Friend, will you join me in throwing off the chain of unforgiveness today? We absolutely cannot expect to see changes in ourselves, our husbands and our marriages until we choose to forgive. I know it's easier said than done. But we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13). One day at a time; one offense at a time; one hurt at a time, we can choose to forgive.

For the remainder of this week, our scripture prayers will focus on ourselves. Stormie Omartian, author of The Power of A Praying Wife, says, "The hard part about being a praying wife, other than the sacrifice of time, is maintaining a pure heart. It must be clean before God in order for you to see good results. That's why praying for a husband must begin with praying for his wife. If you have resentment, anger, unforgiveness, or an ungodly attitude, even if there's good reason for it, you'll have a difficult time seeing answers to your prayers. But if you can release those feelings to God in total honesty and then move into prayer, there is nothing that can change a marriage more dramatically." Let's ask God to deal with us first, not our husbands. Let's pray.

God, I come to you knowing that I am your Chosen and Crowned daughter. You are crazy about me and I know that nothing can separate me from your love. You love me because I am yours, but you don't love my sin of unforgiveness. You are calling me to wake up; to open my eyes wide to the sin that entangles my heart and turn from it; to rise from the dust of shame that covers my head. Forgive me, Lord, for the unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness I have against my husband. Before you deal with my husband, deal with me first. I want to be the woman you created me to be and that includes respecting the position of my husband as head of our marriage. My flesh fights with my soul's desire to be holy. I cannot forgive without your help. Help me, God. Help. Me. Set me free from all that enslaves my heart. 

Thank you, Lord, that when I confess my sin, you are faithful and just to forgive my sin. You cleanse me from all unrighteousness. You alone clothe me in a robe of righteousness and dress me in strength and dignity. You declare, "This is your day of deliverance!" Because of Jesus, I will sit in a place of honor and remove the chains of unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment from around my neck. Help me not enslave myself again! Reveal yourself to me more and more as I draw near to you. I want to know your power and rely on your presence in my life and in my marriage. 

I declare boldly today that I will pray faithfully for myself, my husband and my marriage. I will choose to love my husband even when I don't feel like it. And I will pray first instead of fighting first. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! You have made me a victor over the enemy. He can't have me, my husband or my marriage. Make me a warrior, God! In Jesus powerful name I pray. Amen!

Isaiah 52:1-6; 1 John 1:9, Philippians 4:13; Proverbs 31:25; Romans 8:37-39; 1 Peter 3:1

This post is part of a blog series hosted by Anna Frye, founder of Chosen And Crowned Ministries. Anna's heart is to raise up a growing army of women (#WifeArmy15) who courageously pray scripture over their marriages and expect mind-blowing results. This series runs from Oct. 19-Nov. 13. Join the Wife Army and invite your friends at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com/blog.