Sometimes I Can't Help My Child

 “Why does this morning have to be so stressful! Can’t you help me, Mom?” said my exasperated 12-year-old son as he frantically darted around the house getting ready for school. “No,” was my peaceful but firm response which seemed to only add fuel to his already flaming frustration. He so hoped I would come to his rescue, helping him make up for his poor planning and time management.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a parent, it’s this: Reality discipline is a great teacher.

Later that day, after my son had calmed down from the chaos of the morning, we talked about where things took a turn for the worse. I know he didn’t want to hear it, but I told him why I didn’t help him, “Poor planning and time management on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” I have taught my children from the time they entered kindergarten how to prepare for school the night before. They can be so far ahead of the game simply by laying out their clothes, packing their lunch and putting their homework in their backpack before they go to bed.

But as you know, children, especially pre-teens, think they know better than mom or dad, so they test out their own routine. My son’s routine looks something like this: Mom wakes him up one hour before the bus. He lays in bed for 20 more minutes before coming downstairs where he lays for another 25 minutes. With only 15 minutes before the bus is blowing its horn at the bottom of our driveway, my son jumps up like a cat that just spotted a laser beam and begins darting around the house. The problem is he can’t find shorts to match his lime green shirt or the candy he planned to pack in his lunch. He’s sure his sisters must’ve taken it. His homework is not in his backpack and he can’t find it anywhere. The dog ate it! Oh shoot, we don’t have a dog. He runs back to his room hoping to excavate his homework from the mountain of dirty clothes, baseball stuff, and books that he failed to clean up the day before.

I felt bad for him as I watched him struggle. I could have come to his rescue and cleaned up the mess he created. But what would that have accomplished except a child who is likely to repeat the same chaotic routine tomorrow morning. Moms, I know that not one of us enjoys watching our children struggle. But if they don’t experience struggle in their lives, how will they ever learn to fly? I read a story once about a man who saw a butterfly struggling to set itself free from its tightly spun cocoon. Feeling sorry for the butterfly, the man began pulling at the sides of the cocoon thinking he was helping the butterfly. Great was the man’s disappointment when the butterfly fell to the ground too weak to fly. You see, the butterfly didn’t need rescued. It needed the struggle to strengthen its wings. Because the man denied the butterfly the necessary challenge, the butterfly laid on the ground and eventually died.

Moms, our goal is to help our kids learn how to fly. A wise Proverb says, “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it” (Prov. 22:6).  This world is full of struggle and challenges. Let’s give our kids the tools to succeed, but then have the courage to allow them to fail and learn from their mistakes. Instead of rescuing them, let’s walk through the fire with them and teach them how to be strong and wise. When we do that, we will have the joy of watching them set themselves free, spread their wings and fly.

If Anna’s post blessed you, please SHARE it on social media. By doing so, you will strengthen another mom, as well as spread the impact of Anna’s writing and speaking ministry, Chosen and Crowned. Anna is the author of “Extraordinary You: Created to Live with Passion and Purpose.” You can order her book and subscribe to her blog at www.ChosenAndCrowned.com. She is also on facebook, twitter, pinterest and Instagram.