MAMA MONDAY: When Cheese Wrecked My Sense of Self-Worth

MAMA MONDAY: When Cheese Wrecked My Sense Of Self-Worth

Who knew that a couple pounds of sliced cheese had the power to wreck my sense of self-worth? This travesty began one week as I was packing my husband and kid’s lunches. Crackers? Check. Fruit? Check. Water? Check. Cheese slice for sandwich? Yikes! The empty cheese drawer stared back at me very apathetic to my predicament. 

Now if your family does not depend on cheese for its existence, you may not understand my dire circumstance. As I write this, my freezer and fridge are currently stocked with more than 20 pounds of cheese. It’s extreme, I know. 

Since I don’t live close to a grocery store, the purchasing of sliced cheese would have to wait a couple of days until I was near the store. When the day arrived, I grabbed my list and walked the aisles carefully picking the needed items. Toothpaste. Foot powder. Cereal. Milk. Chocolate.  

As I was walking down the coffee aisle, I thought to myself, “Self, when you’re done in this aisle, go to the cheese section and pick up the sliced cheese.” However, somewhere between that thought and the picking up of the coffee, I completely forgot about the cheese. Totally and completely. Didn’t even notice it again on my list!  

I walked to the checkout, purchased my items and drove home. It wasn’t until the next day as I was once again packing lunches that I realized my unfortunate error. This time when I opened the empty cheese drawer, I swear it laughed at me. I slammed it shut, closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I thought to myself...

“You idiot! How could you forget the sliced cheese! You even had it on your list! You know how important cheese is to your family! You must not really care about what’s important to them. You’re a failure of a wife and mother.”

As I packed yet another PB&J sandwich, I reasoned, “It’s okay, I’ll be at the store again in a couple of days.” 

As I stood before the doors of grocery store number two, list in hand, I was determined to redeem my reputation as loving mother and wife and woman with a brain. This time I walked straight to the cheese section. I picked up a variety of cheeses that my family consumes. Cheese sticks. Shredded mozzarella and cheddar. Blocks of pepper jack and cheddar. Feta.  I piled them in my cart and you guessed it…walked away without the sliced cheese. I finished my shopping, purchased my items, and began my drive home.

This time it hit me as I was leaving the parking lot. At the moment of realization, it felt like a car slammed into my heart, crushing it into pieces. “Unbelievable! You really are a hopeless case! How can you think you’re capable of writing and speaking to women when you can’t even take care of your family. You are a failure.”

I was so thankful to pass another grocery store on my way home so I could stop by its deli and finally get sliced cheese. I was not going to face my family with my failure. 

Although my family’s lives returned to normal with the reappearance of cheese sandwiches in their lunches, my heart was still hurting. Was I a failure of a mother and wife? Am I so selfish that I don’t care about what’s important to my family? Am I crazy for wanting to teach women that they are extraordinary? I sure didn’t feel very extraordinary. 

After a couple of weeks, I realized that I had allowed the cheese travesty to affect my sense of self-worth and God’s calling on my life. When my worth and calling are threatened, God has taught me to run to Him. 

Run. Quickly. Why? Because my worth is found only in Him. Who I am is dependent not on my weakness, but on His perfect strength. I opened my Bible to the book of Isaiah and God, my precious Savior, guided me to this scripture:

“Look at my servant, whom I strengthen. [She] is my chosen one who pleases me. I have put my Spirit upon [her]. [She] will not falter or lose heart. I have called [her] to demonstrate my righteousness. I will take [her] by the hand and guard [her]” (Isaiah 42: 1,4,6).

Sweet friend, if your worth and calling are being threatened by sliced cheese or something more serious, run to Jesus. Quickly! You are so pleasing to your Savior simply because you are His. Jesus is crazy about you! God has sealed His Holy Spirit inside of you which is a Spirit of great power and love. So don’t lose heart! You have been called to demonstrate God’s righteousness. Go ahead and reach out your hand. God will take hold of it and guard your worth and calling. Why? Because you are His CHOSEN and CROWNED. 

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