MAMA MONDAY: Do You Still Love Me?

"Do you still love me even when you're mad at me?" 

My seven-year old asked me this question after I had reprimanded and disciplined her for disobedience. My frustrated heart towards her immediately melted. I knelt down in front of her, pulled her towards me and said, "Sweetheart, there is nothing you can do that would make me stop loving you. That's the awesome thing about a mother's love. It loves no matter what."

After that she ran off to play, but her one little question left me with a big question of my own: 

When I reprimand or discipline my children, do my words and actions reflect my disapproval of their actions or of who they are as a person? 

There is a big difference between saying, "I am so upset/ disappointed/frustrated with YOU right now" and "I am so upset/disappointed/frustrated at your poor ACTIONS/CHOICES right now". 

Can you see and feel the difference? The first statement is directed at who the child is as a person. The second statement is directed at the child's actions or choices. If I speak to my daughter using the first statement, her tendency is to internalize my words and think, "I am a disappointment to my mom. I am frustrating and annoying to her. I wonder if she still loves me."

Her question of "do you still love me even when you're mad at me" reminded me that:

1. I need to focus my discipline towards my child's poor action/choice and not her person.

2. I need to quickly follow the discipline with a reminder of my unconditional love for her which includes heavy doses of forgiveness, mercy and grace (and hugs and kisses!).

3. I need to remind her that God can help her make the right choice when she is tempted again to disobey.

The way children perceive our love and acceptance of them will impact the way they perceive God's love and acceptance of them. God loves his children unconditionally. Psalm 103 says, "He crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heaven above the earth. He has removed our sins from us as the east is from the west. The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him."

My prayer and goal is that I would parent my children the way God parents me, with tenderness, compassion, mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love. I pray that I would not be too harsh, not constantly accusing and not quick to become angry. I want to fill my child's life with good things and the knowledge that my love for them is as great as the heavens are above!

God, help me to parent my children the way you parent me. When I am tempted to completely "lose it" on my kids, help me to be temperate and self-controlled. Push me towards calmness and gentleness. Give me the right words to use as I teach them to live obedient lives before you, Lord. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

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