You Are Amazing, Wife!

Warning: the contents of this blog may raise blood pressure, challenge cultural thinking and cause you to throw your electronic device against the wall. Proceed with caution and please don’t destroy your electronic device.

I’m prepared for the fact that this blog entry and Bible verses, such as “wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord,” will not rank in your top 10 favorite. My hands are actually a little shaky as I type because I remember when every fiber of my body used to scream out against God’s design for a married woman. However, I pray right now, in Jesus Name, that hearts would be stirred to trust and obey God’s perfect plan. With that being said, if you’re not there yet, that’s ok. But, I challenge you to talk to God about how you feel and then ask him to change your heart to match his. Over time, he will. God is gentle and patient, my sweet friend. He knows what you’re going through and where you’ve been. He also knows what lies ahead and desires what is best for you. Will you trust him?

God’s perfect plan for marriage is illustrated beautifully in His creation and union of Adam and Eve...the only marriage unmarred by sin...at least for a little while. The Biblical account of their creation is found in Genesis 2:20-25

So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took on of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man nad his wife, and were not ashamed.

It’s important to note the value God places on women by the way he created Eve. John MacArthur, author of “Twelve Extraordinary Women,” writes:

“The Hebrew expression describing how God “made [the rib] into a woman” denotes careful construction and design. Literally, it means God built a woman. He carefully assembled a whole new creature with just the right set of attributes to make her the ideal mate for Adam. She answered his need for companionship; she was a source of joy and gladness to him; and she made possible the procreation of the human race. She complemented Adam perfectly, and she enhanced everything about his existence. Eden was now truly a paradise.”

Yes, ladies, God designed us to complete our husbands, make him better, help him and create an atmosphere of paradise within the home God has given us. Are we doing this?

I know what some of you are thinking. If my husband wasn’t such a jerk...if he would step up and actually be the man of the house...if he would show some love towards me...then maybe I could go along with this plan. But, until I see some changes in him, he can just forget about it. I’ve tried. I’m tired of trying.

Friend, my heart squeezes in anguish for you, because I know these words come from a heart that has been hurt one too many times. The soft tissue of that heart has turned hard and bitter. Unforgiveness has built a wall so high that it seems to protect you from the next bullet that will surely come and pierce your heart to its very core. Oh, dear one, I was there! I’m so sorry for what you are going through, but please hear me when I say, God wants to mend your wounds. He wants you to look into his loving eyes and allow his rest to embrace you. As he quiets you, feel his strength begin to bring you back to life. Let him whisper, “My daughter, whom I formed with my own hands, I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Can you grasp how wide and long and high and deep is my love for you? I am able to do immeasurably more than all you could ever ask or imagine. I sent my only son, Jesus, to die on a cross for your sins so that you could have an abundant and eternal life with Me. Now, if you will only trust me, obey me and keep your eyes fixed on me... if you would call on my mighty Name to save you and save your marriage...then you will see my power transform you.” (Jeremiah 29:11; Eph. 3:18,20; John 3:16)

What if God gave you your husband...not to make you happy...but to make you holy? God’s greatest desire is to have an intimate, love relationship with you. Is your pain causing you to run into His arms? Until I learned to fix my eyes on Jesus, surrender my pride, bitterness and unforgiveness...until I trusted God for who he is...until I soaked in the reminder that God loved me enough to allow his Son to die for me, only then could I surrender and trust that His plan for me, as a wife, was best and perfect. And, if I followed it, I would discover the abundant life Jesus died to give me.

Friend, God’s plan for us is not for our harm, but for our good. Matthew Henry wrote in his Bible commentary, “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” This reminds us again of how Scripture exalts women.

Although we are spiritually and intellectually equal to our husbands, God has placed us as second-in-command when it comes to the organization of family. As I mentioned in last week’s blog, there must be an order of authority established for any organization to run effectively. The different roles are not set up to recognize one person as more important than another (which is what our culture would have us believe), but to recognize that each role is equally important to the success of the family unit. Did you ever see two people trying to be boss? It’s not pretty and it quickly breaks the unity and effectiveness of an organization.

Now, what if your husband will not lead? In short, surrender this to God and pray for God’s will to be accomplished in your husband. God’s grace is sufficient for you. He will show you how to come along side your husband and encourage him to be the man God wants him to be. He is to love, protect, provide and lead. He will have to give an account to God on how well he led your family. You will have to give an account on how you helped, respected and honored your husband. Certainly, how you specifically fulfill these assignments will play out differently in every marriage, depending on individual personalities and circumstances. What works for one couple may not work for another. Only you and your husband know if your marriage is where God wants it to be. We do not need to get caught up in man-made opinions of what the wife should be doing and what the husband should be doing. This is dangerous and we need to stay away from putting our own ideas on others. It’s God’s will we desire. It’s his truth we seek.

It’s also important to note that being second in command does not mean you are inferior or lose your identity. You should not blindly obey or submit to verbal or physical abuse. And, you should never follow your husband into sin. There is a proper time and way to confront and seek counseling.

Is this wife thing easy? Heck, NO IT”S NOT! But, again I ask you, what if God gave us marriage, not to make us happy, but to make us holy?   Trust God one day at a time...one circumstance at a time. Commit to praying for God’s will to be done in your marriage. Next week, I’ll lay out my plan for a prayer event I’ve entitled, “The Prayer Dare for Wives.” I determined a few years ago that I would not be a victim of a hopeless marriage, but a warrior, ready to unleash God’s power over Satan’s attempts to destroy it. I’m taking back what the enemy stole away. God has a beautiful plan for my marriage, and I plan to pursue it with all my heart. I hope you’ll join me!