Grown Up Temper Tantrums

My husband and I were in the middle of a HEATED argument over money. Now, money is an issue we don’t fight about often, but at one particular time of year, for the first 14 years of our marriage, this heated battle returned with a vengeance. When is this time of year? Christmas. What is the premise of the argument? How much money should be spent on our children, extended family, each other, friends and other Christmas celebrations. He tends to over spend. I tend to under spend...ok, I admit...sometimes I’m just cheap! Ouch!

I don’t want you to get caught up in the details of this fight, but instead, focus on the real root of this battle and most all other battles that go on between husband and wife. James 4: 1,2 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it.”

Exactly! I wanted to have my own way and I wasn’t getting it! After all, I was right. He was wrong and being way unreasonable...or so I thought. Every December, I would launch into my sermon about budget and finances; gifts that will be tossed aside and forgotten; kids in Africa who need clean water and food. Oh, yeah...I brought up the starving children in Africa. While Christmas shopping, I would sigh loudly every time I’d swipe the credit card. My face carried the expression of gloom and doom, just so my husband remembered that I wasn’t happy.

On the way home, my husband finally let me have it.

With a volume that hurt my ears, he yelled, “ANNA, WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 14 YEARS. AND, FOR 14 YEARS, WE HAVE HAD THIS SAME EXACT FIGHT. EVERY YEAR, FOR 14 YEARS, YOU STEAL MY JOY OF BUYING GIFTS FOR MY FAMILY. WE HAVE NEVER...”

The rest of his words, I don’t even remember. What stuck with me is, “you steal my joy.” At that moment, I determined in my mind to never fight over Christmas spending again. Not only that, but throughout the rest of the year, I considered the impact of my “mouth-that-never-quit.” We fought over so many issues that really were not that big of a deal (even if they felt like a big deal at the time). I asked myself what was more important. Letting my opinion be heard? Or, being a source of joy and peace in my marriage and home? Making the right choice here is a no brainer. Even if I have a very good point to make or know that I’m right (because I often am, of course!), it is better to be respectful, than it is to be right.

It is also important to remember that God has placed my husband as head of our home. He will have to give an account to God on how he led the family. Our husband’s are to lead, provide and protect. God has placed us wives under their leadership. Now, before you go and get all in a huff over God’s design for marriage, know that there must be an order of authority established for any organization to run effectively. The different roles are not set up to recognize one person as more important than another (which is what our culture would have us believe), but to recognize that each role is equally important to the success of the family unit. My blog next week will address my battle and rebellion against my God-assigned role for me as a wife. If you struggle with submission, respect and being your husband’s helper, come back next week.   Until then, let us together choose to be  women who bring peace and joy to our homes.  Thank you for joining me on this journey to being the wife and mom God called us to be! Together, we make such a huge impact for God's kingdom! Love you, friend!