Love: Feeling or Choice? (Marriage Blog 1)

The “season of looooove” is upon us. Yes, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner which means no escape from red, pink and white everything, discussions about romance, and perfect gift ideas for that special someone. While I have a new found love for celebrating this holiday with my family, it hasn’t been many years since I hated Valentine’s Day. It was the time of year that pushed the knife a little deeper into the wounds of my broken marriage. It reminded me of dreams lost and failed expectations of what I thought love was all about.

I’d like to take the next several weeks and hit the topic of marriage head on. I believe women are searching for a message that is both real and relevant. No more fluff! No more fairy tales! We need God’s Word, encouragement, hope, wisdom, healing and POWER for our marriage!

I will speak TRUTH about what love really is and share what God has taught me through my own marriage. My husband and I struggled severely for many years. We both faced hurt, rejection, lonliness and a “loveless marriage.” My hurt was so deep, I was absolutely blind to the depths of my own failures as a wife, but praise God, his Light sparked in the darkness of my heart which began the journey to healing and wholeness. My husband and I just celebrated 15 years of marriage! We are on our way towards becoming the masterpiece God created us to be! We are now on a mission to share our story so that other marriages can find hope and victory in God’s TRUTH.

Satan wants nothing more than to deceive us into believing that love is lost, our marriage is hopeless, and that there must be someone better out there. While I once saw myself as a victim of a broken marriage, I now see myself as a warrior fighting against Satan’s attacks to destroy God’s beautiful plan for marriage. TRUTH will set us free from the bondage of Satan’s lies. We find truth ONLY in God’s precious Word, so let’s start with the definition of love, according to God.

First Corinthians 13 defines it this way, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails.

At one point in our marriage, my husband and I faced the reality that we were in a loveless marriage. A pastor suggested we take this scripture and self-evaluate. How well was I loving my husband? That’s when I faced the first TRUTH about love. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. God opened my eyes wide as I discovered my love for Craig was NONE of those things. Craig and I both were guilty of allowing our feelings to get the best of us, instead of choosing to have control over our feelings.

Even if it made my skin crawl, I could choose to be patient and kind to my husband. I could choose to humble myself, apologize and admit I was wrong. (Ouch! Even typing those words hurt a little!). I could choose to not be rude by holding my tongue, not rolling my eyes and keeping a positive attitude. (I think my tongue bled more than once from biting it, but on the bright side, my eyes felt better from not rolling them back in my head!) I could choose to not be easily angered or offended and forgive his wrongs. I could choose to delight in God’s promises, protect what God had entrusted to me, trust in my awesome God, hope for victory and keep my eyes fixed on the beauty God has planned for my marriage.

Sweet friend, whether you’re in a healthy marriage or a struggling one, each of us can choose to love our spouse better. One day at a time, you have the power, with God’s help, to choose love. I promise you, the more you do it, the easier it will become.  No matter what it feels or looks like, choosing love is ALWAYS the right thing to do, and it is ALWAYS worth it.

Please visit my blog again next week for more discussion on marriage. If you have a particular question about marriage or would like me to pray for your marriage, please don’t hesitate to contact me. It would be an honor and privilege.  Love you, friend!